Now You’re Just Somebody That I Used to Know
Let’s be honest with each other for a quick second…writer to reader.
At some point in our lives, we have all had a friend, family member, loved one, or someone we value, turn against us. Maybe it was due to a decision we made that they didn’t agree with, or something we did to offend them…whatever the case is, they make it known through verbal and physical communication that they are against us and want nothing to do with us.
And the best part is that the problem is never their fault, right? Or at least that is what they want you and everyone else to believe.
I can tell you now that I have had more than my fair share of these types of individuals/relationships in my life. You know…those people who say there are there for you no matter what and will love you to the end of the earth, but when the waters rise and the storm rolls in, it becomes a free for all relationship death-match.
I saw a quote on Facebook the other day (of all places) that read something like this:
Relationships are worth fighting for…but not when you are the only one fighting.
At first, I disagreed with this quote, because there have been countless times when I have been in hard relationships, and I have had to battle for the sake of the relationship, without the other person fighting for it with me – and those relationships end up being great because of the sacrifice both parties contribute when the other isn’t willing.
But, I have arrived at a point in life where I do not chase after people anymore. I used to be a sucker for any and every relationship I could muster up, and sometimes to a fault. Now, rather than wanting tons of ankle deep relationships, I am satisfied with few relationships where I can freely swim in the deep waters. I no longer take happiness and joy and exchange them for the anguish that beating a dead mule brings.
Because of my Choleric/Sanguine personality, I am very assertive, but at the same time I need to deepen relationships in order to feel the value and purpose behind it. Otherwise they mean nothing to me.
I am blessed and cursed with the desire to share all that I am with someone, in hopes that they accept that and want to be in relation with me, but it often backfires…too often. So, I have learned to let people be aware of who I am and let them know I am available, but then I leave it up to them to respond with ACTIONS, not words.
It is Your Choice
My wife and I made a collective decision that we would no longer pursue meaningless relationships. We made a conscious effort to be intentional with our lives and pursue people and things that pushed us forward and added value to our lives.
Anytime you make such a decision, all hell breaks loose. Because no longer can fake relationships hide behind your own ignorance. They rise to the top and crumble before your eyes. You realize that many of the people who you thought were friends, were enemies feeding off of your life.
Now before you think I am a psychopath, I shall inform you that I absolutely love people. Anyone who knows me on a basis deeper than just saying hi when we see each other, will tell you that I enjoy seeing others happy and succeeding in life.
On the other hand, if you ask my wife (the closest person to me,) how much tolerance I have for fake and immature relationships, she will cut you off and say, “zero,” before you finish your question. Because I really don’t.
And why would anybody?
So many of us accept fake and immature relationships because we like the titles of relationships and we like the numbers that add up on our relationship tally board. But try going through a hard life situation and see how many people stand by your side.
When I say ‘stand by your side,’ I am NOT talking about verbal supporters (i.e. the people who message you on Facebook that say “if you need anything let me know,” even though you both know if you actually did need something, they wouldn’t physically be there for you.) If someone really wants to be there for you, they show up.
So, make a choice. Do you want the fake relationships or the meaningful ones?
Friends or Enemies
Here is my point in all of this ranting.
I hope to bring awareness and inspiration to peoples life for self betterment. I want you to truly think about the relationships you have in your life and how much value they actually hold. I am not talking about reputation here and what people think of you (if that is your understanding of good relations, God help you.) People can have a great reputation yet have horrible relationships – blinded and ignorant to the fact that they have bad relationships because they can’t see past their reputation.
I am talking about authentic, life-long relationships that give purpose and value to your life.
A great way to value relationships is through your own perspective, not others. Most people, when evaluating their relationships, will think, “hmmmm….this person is always there for me, but would that person actually be there for me if I needed them?” That is the complete wrong mind set. Instead, your relationships need to valued by whether or not you would be there for someone in general, and not only on a case by case basis.
If you would truly be there for someone no matter what, then that person holds value in your life, and most likely because they have contributed to your overall well being as a human. So hold on to those relationships and make efforts to pursue those people with your whole heart..
Unfortunately the crap always hits the fan and that once considered friend/family member turns to the dark side. When that happens, understand where they are coming from, but evaluate from your perspective.
Trust me when I tell you that your life will be pruned of meaningless relationships, and you will be at peace with the relationships that you do have.