I am not sure why or how it happens, but it does…a lot.
It is 2:30AM and here I lie. Just myself, my thoughts, and silence.
It would be safe to say that I do not stand alone in the arena of sleepless nights. They happen to everyone for endless reasons. Everything from a dog dying, to a late homework assignment, past due bills, family issues, being sick, or just simply not being able to shut your mind off.
My poison just happens to be the inability to shut my mind off.
I am not speaking of media addictions, I am speaking of the addiction of more. I always feel the need to be doing something to further myself…my life. Maybe it was the less than average upbringing, or the desire to change family patterns and provide for my loved ones that sparked it. But what ever the cause…this is the effect.
I’ve realized at a young age how short and precious life is. At 23, I have been through and experienced more in life than the average 30 year old. Yet, I feel like I lack the life experience to truly accomplish what it is that I need to in life.
I have clear vision, and I know what my dreams are. But the process kills me. Over and over. It is like a demon that stares me in the face day after day. It reminds me of how long it is…how tough it is…and especially how lonely the process is.
I know that I am called to greatness, but I have no idea what that journey holds, or the obstacles that stand in my way. All I know is that those obstacles are there, and there are many of them. It is similar to war movies when the enemy advances their troops, and all you can see on the horizon is an endless sea of coordinated soldiers with one common goal – to tear you down and decimate every last thing that matters to you.
But regardless of the battle, no matter who the enemy is, and despite how deep the wound, I still stand…we still stand. Sometimes upright with pride and sometimes weak with only the last ounce of strength that we have. None-the-less…standing.
I often wonder where that strength comes from. Where we get the composure. I truly don’t believe we were taught…it is more like a natural instinct to survive.
I want to survive. But I want to do so much more than that. I want to triumph…I want to accomplish great and mighty things. Things that leave legacies for generations to come. Things that change. Things that revolutionize this world as we know it. And I know it is inside of me. Things that make me a champion of this life.
Yet, the fear of that unknown awakens my spirit to find a way to overcome.
And that is when it all makes sense. It isn’t the fear inside of me that keeps me up at night. It isn’t the worry or the timidness. But the warrior inside of me. That fire located in the inner most core of my being that absolutely will not surrender…ever. But will fight until the ends of the earth if it means the accomplishment of purpose.
It wants more. It wants it all. It wants to make a difference.
So, when you sit at night, eyes wide open and mind running a million miles per hour. Relax the mind and open the heart. Your heart will remind you why you are awake and will center your mind.
You were made for more. You were made for greatness. Don’t hold it in – release it. And the next sleepless night you have will be in celebration of victory in your life.
We are warriors. Let’s act like it.