Yes, I am sure you are eager to hear what I am dishing out in this article, but I will warn you that the title is not a hoax. This story is true and I am choosing to be transparent and share this story to hopefully encourage someone and bring life out of a dark situation.
So, it was recently Father’s day.
This is the second one I have celebrated being a father, as I have 2 beautiful daughters of my own, with my amazing wife of 3 1/2 years.
After 23 years of life on this earth without knowing my father, I decided I would finally muster up enough strength to find out who he was and what he looked like. That is all I wanted to know, trust me.
But, all I had was his name, and unfortunately, this isn’t one of those “found my relative through Facebook” stories. Since, I stem from a family that isn’t honest or forthright with each other, asking anyone of them for help was a useless option.
There I was… 1-2am in the morning when I stumbled across 12 people who yield my fathers name, yet only one of them rooted from my city of birth. After going through reports, and paying for extended research, I saw my father for the first time…in a mug shot.
The funny thing is, when I saw him, I immediately noticed the dimple on his left cheek, which I also have. The man in the picture was also bald, which I could only assume was the explanation for my receding hairline. And after 8 Seasons of watching House, M.D., I knew that could only mean he was my father. 😉
In all seriousness, while I was almost positive that it had to be him, I had no reference point, nor the slightest clue as to how to prove he was my dad. That is when I saw the police report. He was charged with raping a 16 year old girl. I looked up as much information on the matter as I could, and didn’t find anything further than his sentencing and other public information. But, at this point, I HAD TO KNOW who this man was and confirm whether or not he was actually my father.
So, I asked my mother. Since her and I have had a very dysfunctional relationship my whole life, and we hadn’t talked in over a year, I decided to text her. I downloaded the picture, sent it to her and asked…”is this him??”
Immediately, I was overcome with sadness, hurt, pain, and confusion. But that wasn’t the end of it. I told my mom that I found the police report, and knew that he raped a 16 year old girl. This was her response:
Well, Derek, it wasn’t just a 16 year old girl, it was his daughter and she was pregnant by him…
I have never felt such a dark feeling in my life. Most of the people within my circles of influence understand my story: I’ve been raped, abused, and abandoned, in addition to a long list of other things of which I have went through counseling for since I was a teenager, and completely took charge of my life at a young age.
But, I don’t have time to cover all of that in this blog.
Hearing this, though…whew. This was a whole new level of pain I haven’t experience before. The immediate mental and spiritual strain that I felt from hearing that statement will be something I never forget. It was/is so deep.
However, I have been through a lot in life and have trained myself to respond to extremely hard situations with understanding, knowledge and wisdom.
The real truth is this – I am changing generational patterns in my family genealogy, because I have chosen to surrender my life to Jesus Christ and allow him to use me to expand his Kingdom. Whether or not you believe in God, or religion, is not my point in this message.
My point is this: I took life by the horns and I am making a difference in my family and in the world, and I encourage you to do the same. Regardless of what life has served you.
I have no idea what you have been through or where your roots lie, but I can tell you this:
Yes, you matter. Your life matters. Your choices matter. Don’t waste time meditating on the past, full of events you could or couldn’t control. Because as long as you have life in your body, you have control now. And that is all that matters.
I am not going to lie, finding out that the once silhouette figure I pictured in my head as my father, was a bald headed, dimple having rapist, was not the easiest matter to process or handle. And although it has been less than a single day between finding out and writing this blog, I am sure there will be different levels of pain to come, but there will also be growth, stretching, maturing and renewing that come from this life event.
As Eric Thomas would say, “without struggle, there is no progress”
Be encouraged as you read this because we all have our own stories…our own testimonies..our own pain. But, what you choose to do with that pain, between the time your watch says as you read this and the end of our life, is always up to us.
Go take control!
Someone needs to hear this story. Be kind and SHARE the inspiration and spread the joy of life!